Your e-mail message:

"Hello po sir Tony , i am here to ask for guidance and advice about my predicament. I am 

__ years old po ,gay and a graduating student and i the only way that i can ask you this 

question is through this fake  account because i am so ashamed of what i will divulge  . 

Whenever i masturbate  i imagine  i rape someone and be a powerful person or be the one 

being dominated .  These thoughts have been affecting my life and that when I think of a 

relationship most of what i think   now is sex  or domination and that disturbs me a lot. Also 

sometimes when i hear someone being raped , this dark thoughs of  raping the rapist or if 

ever the victim did get pleasure from the rape , i know sir that is not normal .  I somehow sir 

equate rape with pleasure due to frequent rape thoughts when i masturbate and i hate it , it 

disturbs me that now i equate something that is horrible with pleasure. Sir can you give me 

an advice or anything that i could do to remove these thoughts or atleast control and curb 

any dark thoughts. 

"With Sincere Thanks,

"____"

My reply:

Hello ____!

Your thoughts are normal. Note that in pornography, everyone performs either as a top or as a bottom. 

Sexual domination is the fantasizing of power over another human being, which your psyche wants to 

believe is pleasurable to both parties. It is, but only in one's imagination. What is NOT normal, 

therefore, is carrying over your fantasies to reality.

The mind does not like being trained. The more you try to control your thoughts, the more they will 

fight back and continue to emerge. My advice is to sublimate your urges by elevating them to a higher 

form, such as art. Many of the male Renaissance painters were arrested and thrown in jail for having 

sex with prostitutes. In their mature years they successfully repressed their urges and produced some 

of the most famous paintings the world has ever known. You will discover that creativity and 

construction are urges that are stronger than sex.

I do have another interpretation that you may or may not believe or may or may not accept. It is my

personal theory that men have such fantasies when they are perceived as being not useful to society. 

Some of these men resort to taking illegal drugs as a false escape and fantasize sexual domination as a 

form of revenge, i.e., dealing sexual humiliation on those who humiliate them in many other ways. 

Hence, your fluctuation between dominating and being dominated is really a fluctuation between 

revenge and self-punishment.